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Extra
Thoughts upon my return
...written on 12.26.04, @ 11:06 pm
Oddly enough� a week with my family was actually rather wonderful. I honestly didn�t think it would be possible and while I thought for sure my dad might lose it on my uncle a couple of times� we managed to make it through.
The drive was fine and the dog stayed in her little carrier in the back. She didn�t bark much so that was a bonus. She�s definitely a princess though. She was spoiled the entire week even though she was snooty to my uncle�s animals. Go figure.
The amazing amount of trucks on the road outside Albuquerque instigated quite a bit of conversation about Todd and just what�s what. I still haven�t broken down and told them just how serious I think it might be and that�s okay. Maybe I want to keep that new feeling to myself for now. My mom seems truly interested in Todd and what he stands for. I haven�t said anything yet that makes her do her usual �you can do better� routine. I told Aimee that I won�t put up with it anymore. She actually called me an adult this week which is something she�s never admitted to before really. I�m 27. You�d think she�d get it by now but apparently not.
Chad (my cousin) and his family still sort of amaze me. They�re so materialistic and phony. Perhaps I was just raised differently. Cari (Chad�s wife) is the worst and she�s rubbing off on her obnoxious children. I just want to take Austin and Lauren home with me sometimes and make them decent people. I truly fear what they�ll turn into. After a ride in the car with them, my dad was having second thoughts about wanting grandchildren (another discussion for the week). That�s how bad they are. Lauren not so much as Austin but getting there. Watching them open their Christmas presents was really depressing. They had this massive pile of stuff and they just ripped through it all. There was no savoring the moment, no childlike wonder� just �things�.
Troy (my other cousin) verified that men still want to feel like we (women) need them and that�s perhaps why they pick needy and weak women. I asked whether he�d want someone because they needed him or because they wanted him. He didn�t have a ready answer. I just don�t understand why men pick the women they pick. I seriously would rather want someone than need them and I said so� and he may think on it. I guess I was just raised to be an asset to a relationship rather than a noose around someone�s neck.
My uncle �proposed� to his long time girlfriend on Christmas morning. It wasn�t so much a proposal but a �here�s a ring� kind of thing. He had showed us the ring but hadn�t said whether it was �the ring� or just �a ring�. We had all thought they�d just live in sin the rest of their days since we were pretty sure my uncle never intended to marry again. Cathie has been a part of our family for at least 10 years now and her son and his kids have been part of that family as well. I guess they had talked about it but it hadn�t gone any further than that. Regardless� we�re extremely happy he decided to make it official.
Todd and I decided that 3 weeks apart is horrible and we don�t want to ever do it again. We talked a few times over the course of the week and it was torture knowing we couldn�t talk long.
Last but certainly not least� the drive out of Phoenix proved to be a little emotional for me. I fought tears in the back seat for miles as I realized Aimee is leaving in 2 weeks. I�m so incredibly sad and happy and proud and sad. 2 years of Christmas without her. 2 birthdays without her. What seems like perhaps a lot of �living� in 2 years without her. I think my heart is going to hurt a lot in the next 2 years.