pretty glow

Cruise ship / vacation observations� 2005
...written on 10.03.05, @ 4:50 pm

1. I hate the Miami airport. Actually, maybe the more I travel the more I appreciate DIA. People talk about how much they hate DIA and it makes me wonder if they�ve ever seen some of the other shitholes around this country. DIA is a temple in comparison. They�re apparently giving Miami a much-needed renovation. Amen. I�m not even just talking about the visual aspect either. The American Airlines people at DIA were hands down 1,000 times more helpful and attentive than the ones at Miami.

2. I was never aware that you could actually purchase a bikini that large. I mean I know a couple of girls that I really think shouldn�t subject other people to their bikini wearing but some of the women I witnessed this last week made the girls I know look like supermodels. I�m just not sure why you would want to squeeze all 350 pounds of yourself into (or out of in this case) a bikini. WHY?!?!?!? For the love of god it isn�t pretty ladies. I hate to be a bitch but seriously? Maybe it�s just that not that many women try to pull off that look here in Colorado. Apparently everywhere else in the world it�s considered cool. One woman actually tried to kind of hide the huge swell of her gut with a fanny pack one day. The only problem was that she had it on a little tight� so it actually created 2 rolls instead of one. What is that?

3. Being able to call room service at 3 in the morning for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and not have to pay extra for it might be the coolest thing ever.

4. I�m pretty sure the cruise line lost some money on my friends. I mean I know the point is to serve you a shitload of booze at a highly inflated price and make back whatever money they�re losing on the 2 servings of Filet Mignon you ordered at dinner but when you have a group of very sneaky friends� this doesn�t work. Most of my friends snuck their booze on and we�re all too cheap to buy diamonds in the gift shop so I think we got the better end of the deal.

5. Has anyone else heard of drug sniffing K-9 units that can detect Cuban cigars in luggage? I didn�t think so. Despite that dire warning� I heard it was surprisingly easy to walk through customs with 10 Cuban cigars.

6. I�m guessing that anyone trying to sell me drugs while wearing a police badge is either dumb or� dumb. Or perhaps they think I�m dumb.

8. I heart Tortuga Rum Cake

9. Over 24 hours after getting off the boat I still do not have full capacity of my land legs. I caught myself swaying in the bathroom only moments ago.

10. I�m pretty convinced that despite all the beautiful vegetation� Jamaica is kind of a shithole once you get outside of the resort areas. The people are way more persistent about selling you stuff than the little kids in Tijuana. The police were walking around in bulletproof vests. Blue Mountain coffee is still the shit and no� I�m not sharing any of the grounds I brought home. No problem mon�

Pictures and more serious commentary to follow�

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