pretty glow

Happy Friday
...written on 08.19.05, @ 9:15 am

There are some things that just defy explanation.

For example� why are my boobs a food and/or stain magnet? I mean I realize that I have a natural shelf there� and a pretty substantial one at that but anything that might splatter on me within a 5-foot radius ends up on my chest. This morning I was trying to rush out the door and at the last minute I realize my face is in dire need of moisture. It just isn�t something I think about normally but this morning I was on it. I grabbed the bottle and shook it so that the lotion would be at the top, ready to be pushed out. Have you ever had one of those moments that you realize right as your doing something that the results are going to be horrendous? It�s just a flash in your mind and it�s already too late to go back? As I�m grabbing the flip top and prying the lid open I realized that I had just moved this bottle of lotion up 3,000 feet in altitude last week and haven�t opened it since. Not good. The massive splooge of lotion that issued forth (remember I made all the lotion go to the top?) defied all rules of physics and or gravity just to land all over my right breast. The bottle was lower than my breasts and pointing away from me. Please tell me how this works. So, what should have been a carefree Friday morning turned into a mad dash through the house trying to find another clean white shirt. It had to be white� otherwise I was changing my entire outfit. I�m a woman, give me a break. It really felt like it should have been a Monday morning.

Something else I don�t understand? Why do people have such an aversion to getting in the wide-open left lane so that I can pull onto the highway? Every morning I have to sit at the highway for at least a couple of minutes just to turn right. People can obviously see that I�m trying to turn right and that I have no lane to accelerate in and that there is no one in the left lane. It seems the obvious solution would be to get in the left lane. Maybe it�s too much to ask and I should stop doing that. I wouldn�t want to confuse anyone.

Which brings me to the next thing. Are turn signals no longer standard equipment? Todd and I are convinced that Lexus does not install them on their vehicles. Honest to god, we�ve never seen a Lexus owner actually use a turn signal. We�re starting to think that Land Rover also has this problem. Or is the problem that we�re really that lazy? I use mine in my freakin parking garage at work for Pete�s sake. I think some people really think others are mind readers. Then of course I love when people get all road ragey after they�ve not used a signal. Hi. This is reality and you know that I know that you know that you�re wrong and yet you throw your hands up anyway? Idiot.

Lastly� we both know that the right lane ends up there. I see you do this almost every morning. I mean I realize you�re probably someone �important� and the Mercedes that you drive seems to give you some sort of feeling of entitlement but you�re really just an asshole who thinks his time is more important than other people�s. It is my innermost desire to see someone hurt your car one of these days while you�re trying to throw your overpriced penis extension back into our lane at the very last second. I fail to understand how getting 10 cars ahead of where you were is going to help your commute any.

Happy Friday everyone!

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