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...written on 10.21.06, @ 10:20 pm

I often wonder why I bother coming back here. I donít write any more. In between doing laundry and making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I just donít seem to have the time to say anything. It isnít as though thereís nothing going on.

I found my wedding dress finally. I just made that decision today and since weíre about 9 months out on the date itís a good thing. I was stressing about it. I can only assume that once I make the photographer decision my life will be a hell of a lot stressful. This whole wedding thing is less than exciting at this point.

My friend Brent died of the big C on September 29th. It is hard for me to believe it has been almost a month. I have no words. Heíll be missed. His memorial service was another turning point in my life. I really wish I didnít have to have shitty things happen in order to get some closure on other things.

It would take too long to explain but the one person in my life I thought I would spend the rest of my days hating actually apologized for being a supreme asshole 8 years ago. Some people spend their lives having these grand memories of their first love and in my world I just harbored some pretty harsh emotions. Iím sure some of the fire was fueled by another great love and I have to sayÖ if youíre reading J, I broke that promise I made 8 years ago and by now youíre probably used to it. I know I said Iíd never speak to him again but it happened. It probably would never happen again but I was backed into a corner at a memorial service and his wife was standing there. I didnít feel the need to be any bitchier than I already was. Heís still an arrogant bastard and even calls himself Dr. even though heís not really. Now heís just an arrogant bastard that apologized.

By this time next year I will no longer be a Colorado resident and Iíll be a business owner. I canít go into more detail until everything is hammered out but Iím so fucking excited Iím almost scared. The last two years of my life have been an amazing journey. I have a 4 year old that calls me mom. I have an amazing partner in crime who Iíve discovered is not necessarily ďbetterĒ than those that came before him but that moves me in ways that I still donít quite understand. Iím calm within myself. Within the next year Iím going to be in a position to pursue the things Iíve always wanted and goddess Iím so scared. I never imagined I would really be here at this moment. I donít have to face the next 30 years in a cubicle. I have someone that is going to help me make all that happen while doing the thing that he loves.

My sister comes home in 5 months. It canít happen fast enough for my taste.



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