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I'm sure it's my fault somehow...
...written on 06.27.05, @ 2:39 pm
Isn't it funny how some friendships work?
Some are one sided, some are an equal give and take, and some are just there and you're not sure why.
I've managed to have all three over the years and perhaps that's normal. Sometimes I've been the bad friend. Sometimes I've demanded more than I should. Sometimes I carried the entire friendship until I figured out what was going on. In my most cherished relationships I have a wonderful degree of give and take with my friends.
See, to me... a real friendship has to have communication. I mean, much like having a lover, a friend is someone you count on and that ends up sharing the intimate details of your life. With that communication comes the responsibility to be honest with each other. You have to be able to tell each other you look horrible in that pair of jeans and know it's nothing personal... just the facts. You also have to be able to talk about your friendship.
I only have that kind of communication with a few people and I only realized it this last week or so. It isn't a realization that I come to lightly... it's just how I feel about the people around me. So then I have to wonder what the purpose of my other "friendships" is. What do I get out of the relationship? In some instances nothing and I've watched those friendships disintegrate over time. In others...well... nothing but headache so I avoid them and have watched them go away as well. I suppose I should feel bad about that but how am I supposed to when it never seemed to me that there was a worthwhile relationship there? In most cases I was enabling them to be the way they were and a lot of times it wasn't a path in life I was interested in. Am I then obligated to stick it out?
The latest friendship silence has been longer than usual and I'm sure it will somehow be my fault. I'm used to that from a lot of people and perhaps you'd say the common denominator is me. This is true and maybe I am the problem... but I doubt it. I just don't put up with a lot of crap anymore...