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Parking for dummies
...written on 03.28.05, @ 1:46 pm

Dear City and County of Denver -

I hate you. Okay... hate is a strong word. I think you're ridiculous. Is that better? Don't get me wrong, I realize that you need to generate revenue somehow but this goes beyond acceptable.

Oh, you don't know why I'm mad? Lemme 'splain mmmkay?

Sometime in February I went down to the doctor's office. I was already in a pissy mood because I don't particularly care for this doctor's appointment but I like birth control so it's a catch 22. Anyway, I get there and the street parking is sketchy at best. I found a spot, parked, and paid the meter.

Cut to an hour later...

I come out and there's a ticket on my window. Fucking super. I check the meter and I still have time left. WTF? Upon closer examination it becomes clear to me that the meter dude gave me a ticket for improperly parking. Apparently I was pulled forward 2 feet too far. $20 for parking 2 feet off. Now... I don't know about you but that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard and I kind of felt like I was damned either way. I suppose you have to pay the meter dude somehow right? In the interest of being fair... the meter dude gave everyone else on the block a ticket as well since they were all parked that way. Common sense might have prevailed but I suppose that was too much to ask for and the money generated was more important.

Of course I wanted to dispute this little ticket because again... dumbest thing ever and I was following the crowd. I didn't see the harm if we were all parked that way. When I found out I'd have to take time off, drive around, and actually appear before the parking magistrate (you're kidding right? Sadly he probably makes more money than me) I realized it would be more cost effective to just send you the $20, which I did... on time.

I got your bullshit letter the other day regarding my late fee of $20. Now I'm pretty convinced the mailmen are in on this scam. I mean really, what is their cut for holding onto it for a couple days? It can't be too hard since the return envelope is bright yellow. I fail to understand how something mailed a week before the deadline from within the same city can be late. Netflix doesn't seem to have an issue getting here within a day.

At any rate I'll end up paying your stupid late fee because as previously mentioned my time (and my credit, since you'll eventually turn me over to collections if I don't pay) is more precious to me but anyway...

I guess my question is this... is the City and County of Denver hurting that badly? I mean I guess so...

I suppose when I bend over and grab my ankles I won't have to ask if you use lube. You can't afford it I guess...

Sincerely-

One angry resident

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